When you cast your mind back to your childhood, what are some of the most enduring memories you have? The majority of us look back and remember the things that made us smile, feel secure, or had a big impact upon us, and one of the main ways most of us were entertained as children was through stories. Having a parent read a bedtime story to us was a way of sectioning the day in to two parts – waking and sleeping – acting as a transitional activity in to the evening.
Why children respond to stories
Because so many of us have enjoyed the act of listening to stories, it’s unsurprising that every human being responds brilliantly to this activity. From four or five months old, we take an interest in books, and reading to children even at this age can have a profound effect upon their positive cognitive development. From simple, repetitive tales focusing on shapes and colors right though to more complex novels, stories have the power to captivate the imagination, enhance our creative skills and support us with language acquisition.
There is another benefit to the simple art of storytelling – it engages children and helps them to express, articulate and discuss feelings, issues and thoughts which they may not always be able to share through everyday language. If you are finding it difficult to get a child to open up, one of the best things you can do is make the discussion in to a game and encourage open conversation through the art of storytelling.
Supporting children to express difficult feelings
The beauty of telling stories is that they start in a familiar way – everyone relaxes in to the opening lines of ‘Once upon a time…’ and children are particularly responsive to the familiar formula of storytelling. Starting out a discussion in this way, and inviting the child to add in parts of the story is a well-proven and effective tactic for encouraging frank communication, enabling the child to join in the weaving of the tale without feeling self-conscious, shy or embarrassed. This can be particularly effective when encouraging kids to discuss sensitive or difficult subjects such as bullying, as you can work with them to explore thoughts and feelings through the narrative of a character, encouraging them to apply their own views and experiences to the story.
Using storytelling to tackle tough subjects
In storytelling, the child has the opportunity to open up to new ways of thinking, safe in the knowledge that every tale we know from childhood has a happy ending. This can really support safe exploration of tough subjects, which may be too raw to handle firsthand without the ‘comfort blanket’ of the storytelling pattern and formula. You can start out by setting the scene for the child, for example by placing the narrative in context (‘Once upon a time, there was a boy called x, and he was getting ready for school last week when x happened…’) and then inviting the child to give input and embellish the story, painting a picture of what took place. Fusing the fictional and the real together enables you to support an open conversation, where the child is able to resort to fictional events to change a story to achieve a positive outcome, or use the safety of imagination to detract from issues which are tough to approach head-on.
By using the art of storytelling with children, we encourage new and positive ways of viewing situations, requesting input to develop alternative outcomes and showing a willingness and openness to discuss difficult subjects and empower the child to narrate events with confidence and security.
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Christine Marshall
I can’t remember having a story read to me as a child but I do remember always having books. My mother was an avid reader and encouraged me to read from a very early age. They say you never miss what you never had and I suppose that’s true but when I hear of parents reading to their children I do feel a little cheated. My husband speaks of his father reading Winnie the Pooh to him and his brother as children and I feel cheated because I never saw a Pooh bear book until I bought one for my own grandchildren about 15 years ago. I feel like Jen and must encourage parents to read to children as early as you can. The books I read as a child were the cartoon Mills and Boon small magazine types and I did enjoy reading them but feel I missed out on the children’s books. My father bought me a children’s bible which I absolutely loved and read from cover to cover over and over again. Reading is brilliant so please read to your children, they will learn so much from it.Well done Jen, brilliant blog.
Jennifer Syrkiewicz
Thank you very much for your comment. It’s a shame you missed out on children’s books – but even Mills and Boon delivers the traditional format of storytelling so must offer some value! I know my daughter at just five months is becoming enthralled by books – she is really fond of Eric Carle’s ‘The Very Hungry Caterpillar’ and we read it twice a day as part of her routine!
James Richardson
My most enduring memories from childhood? They would be split, oh so distinctly, between school and non-school memories. The non-school ones tend to be happy: visiting my grandmother and playing in her vast garden, having picnics on the beach with my parents, opening presents beneath the tree at Christmas. And the non-school ones: invariably, bullying. Being punched, kicked, and having things thrown at me, not to mention taunting and teasing. “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me”? I guess it wasn’t a psychologist who came up with that little rhyme.
But I digress.
My parents read stories to me, but I don’t remember them involving me in any way. And I can’t remember at what point the stories stopped. One thing I’m sure of, though, is that I kept my bullying hidden. Even when, on an extremely rare occasion, they asked whether I ever got bullied at school – i’d simply reply no. Sitting here today, in adult life, I wonder when and whether I changed. I wonder whether at some point I would have shared. And, I wonder why I didn’t. I think I would have opened up when much younger, but as time went by then I just felt it was something that I had to handle myself. (Which was wrong, because I didn’t really ‘handle it’.)
You know what would have worked?
If they’re read stories about bullying (either contemporary stories, or ones where – at my young age – I could at least make a connection between the story and my own situation) where the protagonist resolved the issue for themselves. Just knowing I wasn’t alone, that would have helped. But what I really needed was for them to spread out solutions before me, without obviously and expressly discussing the issue as relating to me. I needed somebody to plant thoughts and ideas in my head, that I could take away and consider.
The story would have become a safe place to begin tackling the problem.
You see, I did an NLP course a few years ago, and one of the most powerful things I learned was the Power of Metaphor. I loved it and find it works for me now. I had some issues to solve, myself, and for example came to thinkg about “reaching escape velocity” to break free from them (as in a rocket escaping Earth’s gravitational pull).
The more I write this, the more I realise that I sometimes use story-telling in adult life. I might talk about myself, and my circumstances, and what I have done in the past; but really what I’m doing is saying to the other person “this is maybe what you should do”. But the “story” allows that to happen in a non-confrontational way. You’re not telling them what to do, you’re not even acknowledging their issue, you’re simply sketching thoughts and ideas into the air and letting them hang there to be read and taken on board.
A final thought… when children are old enough to read, themselves, there must be lots of good books out there to buy them, tackling any number of difficult childhood issues? Books covering topics such as divorce and bereavement, as well as bullying?
Jennifer Syrkiewicz
I think you make a great point – metaphors are one of the reasons why storytelling works so well to draw analogies between childrens’ experiences and life overall. I wish you had been given access to some great resources to make your experience of being bullied that bit easier. I do appreciate your comment – thank you. We never grow out of the love of stories, whether telling them though jokes or anecdotes, or simply keeping colleagues and peers entertained.
Lyz
great post. I have been teaching preschoolers for almost thirty years and story telling is one of the best ways to effectively communicate with the little kids. Kids love to express their feeling during story telling time. Story telling is one of their fun times.
Joe Butchey
Well said.
Patrick I
I have two small children and I find that they can relate to and retain information from stories better than just be lectured to.
Devika P
Nice post. Story telling definitely needs some skills and creativity. As children’s very easily relate themselves to stories we need to capture their attention and make the story interesting. You have mentioned some really good points thanks just loved this post.
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